It's soon to be illegal to be an "illegal" in Arizona

There's a bunch of hoopla about this anti-illegal immigrant law in Arizona (law to in effect Thursday). The Left protests it as an over-reaching of constitutional powers granted to the police and the Right champions it as a step in the direction of "common sense law." Normally, I despise the phrase "common sense," because sense is anything but common. It was common sense at one time to stone adulteresses and to make virgin women marry the men who rape them because they're now "soiled." Oh, wait, that's still "common sense" in a few remaining cultures in the world -- so, it's even a better example of how bizarre "common sense" can be.

But in this case, the Arizona case, I agree with the law. Americans are hurting for jobs; our economy is tanking. And in spite of what the Conservatives want everyone to believe, America is pretty much not the "best" at anything in the world, anymore. Except obesity. We're kicking ass with that one. Big, fat ass. The world looks on in awe at how large we are and our ladies don't shy away. They wear hip-huggers with fleshy flaps dangling over the sides and belly-shirts exposing pierced belly buttons that might be sexy if the stud wasn't lost inside the bottomless pits of their belly-buttons. Oh, America is still the best at being the biggest and we're damn proud.

As for everything else -- science, math, literacy, health care, child-birth survival (I list it separately because it's crazy), income, retirement security, and overall happiness -- we're near or at the bottom of the list. Really. I'm not proud of it, but I really wish the Conservatives would stop blowing that tarnished bugle. America is in the shitter; we're a world-wide joke among the "developed" countries. The third-world countries still dream the American Dream, and the Conservatives take every opportunity to remind us of that -- but that's like being the wealthiest family in the Section 8 projects, isn't it? France has us beat in all categories. France. Think about that. So shut the hell up about your "freedom fries" next time you're packing them into your grease-laden gut.

Now comes Arizona, kicking out the illegal immigrants at this time when America is at an all-time low. The classic argument for illegals has been "They'll do the jobs Americans don't want." But guess what? Americans might just think about picking lettuce or gardening or housekeeping or any of the other "unsavory" jobs that have typically been passed up by citizens in the past few decades. Our middle class is vanishing (http://www.insideout.org/documentaries/middleclass/) and they're still getting fatter. It's time for something to change before those credit card bills can't be waylaid anymore.

The problem with Americans taking jobs from illegal immigrants is price. If a farm owner pays illegals ten dollars a day to pick grapes, he'll soon have to pony up the American minimum wage to pay the citizens to fill that job. The result is going to be a huge increase in produce prices and hotel services in many states. If California adopts this law, there will be hell to pay for the rest of us... but it's a price I'm willing to absorb because Americans need the work. We need the cash. We need to stand on our own feet before we fall on our fat asses.

So, what's the downside? Well those "illegals" are going to go somewhere. They'll still have to make money because many have already established families and homes here. What will an illegal immigrant do to make money? Illegal activity, in many cases. Theft, prostitution, and drug trade will probably be the largest growth industry. It's a shame, because many good people will be given little choice. The really motivated ones will seek citizenship, but you can bet there's miles of red tape to go through -- probably deportation while the request is being processed, if I know the logic of my government.

I know the Conservatives would crow their righteous reminder that the illegal immigrants "shouldn't have come to the country illegally in the first place." But, duh, that's a little like your mother telling you that you shouldn't have been juggling her wine glasses after you've broken them. You can't put the genie back in the bottle and all the self-righteous finger wagging isn't going to do anything but make the wagger feel superior -- which is pretty much the point of Conservative rhetoric.

So what's the solution? As much as the Conservatives would love to come up with simple answers ("Just say no!" Boy, that one worked), they won't be able to easily legislate out of this one. Like I said, I like Arizona's law; it's the right thing to do, but it's draconian. Amnesty was George W. Bush's baby and he got hell from both sides of the aisle for that one -- but honestly, it wasn't a terrible idea. The cost of enforcing new laws will drive up taxes. Arizona will need additional law enforcement to keep up with the paperwork. And even though the thought of extra law enforcement gives Conservatives a little wet spot in their nether regions, higher taxes makes those nether regions shrivel in rage.

There is no easy answer. No "common sense" exists, here. The illegal folks will keep coming to live the American Dream that is quickly vanishing as we transition into an economical nightmare. If more states adopt Arizona's law, more "illegals" will be taking up riskier illegal activity to keep food on the table. It's a trade-off, but in spite of that, I wish this law had been enacted thirty years ago. Perhaps the best move would have been amnesty first, then crack down with the cops checking everyone's papers... like the government does for tax dodgers. The honest ones will come forward and the ones who don't were probably already breaking the law in more dangerous ways. But on this one, there are no easy answers and the Conservatives hate that answer.

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